Every day in America, more than 100 people die by suicide. That means every day hundreds of unsuspecting people receive the awful news that someone they love took his or her own life. Fathers who always set up the tree, brothers who insisted on lighting the menorah, aunts who sang Christmas carols as they sliced the turkey, suddenly, unimaginably, are gone forever. Families feel the depth and breadth of their grief especially during the holidays.
Do you remember the 2009 teen suicide cluster in Palo Alto? In the past two years more than seven teens died by suicide in this perceived Bay Area haven. Seven. Their classmates, teammates, best friends and siblings are still trying to make sense of the deaths. This holiday season, suicide-bereaved families are deeply sensing the absence of their children and siblings.
In a community that has experienced a rude awakening about the fragility of life, teens are desperately trying to figure out why their friends are taking their lives, and where to go for support. The topic of suicide can be heavily stigmatized at school, in the home, and even among friends. Palo Alto teens are quickly realizing — the hard way — that our country is not an easy place to live once you’ve been affected by suicide.
Studies suggest that if suicide-bereaved teens don’t have a safe place to process their experience, they are more likely to suffer from depression, post-traumatic stress, substance abuse, and thoughts of suicide. Some may even take their own lives — IF they don’t have a safe place to process. But what if they do? They have the rare, if unenviable opportunity to develop resilience and offer support to other teens that have been affected by suicide. This skill can help them learn to manage stress more efficiently and successfully navigate life’s inevitable ups and downs.
It is this challenge/opportunity that inspired me to found Break Through the Static (Static) two years ago, creating a safe place that provides in-person peer support to suicide-bereaved teenagers. I know the pain of this challenge, and am realizing the opportunity to give of myself: My own father took his life when I was a teen and I live with the grief, the questions, and the mourning every day.
Since 2009, Static has been there for more than 300 teens from 250 suicide-bereaved families and 20 Bay Area Peninsula high schools. Here are a few of their stories:
- An 18-year-old singer/songwriter lost an uncle and a friend to suicide, and sometimes cuts himself as a way to “deal” with his depression. He attends our songwriting and poetry groups where he creatively processes his grief through his music. He reported that our groups have helped him address his pain.
- A 15-year-old girl lost her little sister to suicide four months ago. She attended our recent art retreat, and painted two pictures of her sister’s bedroom — one before and one after her death. The first shows clothes strewn across the floor and the bed unmade. The second depicts a spotless, organized “too clean” room that reminds her of her sister every time she walks by.
- A 17-year-old girl lost her dad to suicide. The counselor at the local grief group asked if she was kidding when she told her that her dad had taken his life. She sits in the circle with tears running down her face, yearning for a place to go where she feels understood. Ten years ago, that girl was me.
Until Static, teen survivors of suicide had nowhere to turn for help with their overwhelming feelings — anger, despair, frustration, self-blame. With families in grief and communities emotionally paralyzed, Static’s community of support and healing can help turn personal tragedy to an opportunity for growth. While the loved one will never return, and the loss may never be all right, Static helps teens affected by suicide out of the abyss and onto a productive course. So this holiday season, as the lights are twinkling on the tree and you’re sipping a delicious Anchor Christmas Ale, I invite you to join me in sending some good tidings and a bit of joy to the teens mourning a loss to suicide. This holiday will be a difficult time, and they could use all the good cheer we can share.
Jade Chamness, Founder and CEO of Break Through the Static, lost her father to suicide when she was 17. Watch her recent TEDxYouth talk to learn more about her experience and why she started Static. Website: www.breakthroughthestatic.org.
